Finding Language That Feels Right: Can I Use More Than One Gender Label?

One of the biggest hurdles I faced when figuring out my gender identity was the question of what label to use. I knew from the time I was 19 that I was not a cisgender woman like I was expected to grow up to be. But, what took me much longer to determine was what label felt like it fit the best. At the time, I was struggling to make sense of my own gender identity, never mind find the language to explain it to other people. The beauty of labels is that they are a way to explain who we are in a way that is tangible and (hopefully) relatable to other people. The difficulty of labels, on the other hand, is that they can be limiting when it feels like we must meet certain criteria for them to fit.

I actually did not feel comfortable using the label “trans” to describe myself when I first began to explore my gender identity. The assumption I was led to believe was that a person had to undergo a certain number of steps or experience certain feelings to “qualify” as trans. What a load of b.s. that was. And yet, people both outside of an identity group and inside will try to police other people’s feelings around and belonging to that label or group. Nonbinary didn’t feel like it fit at first, either, because I believed I had to be more androgynous to be nonbinary, and I knew there was a part of me that felt more feminine. It seemed as though every label I tried, I didn’t quite “fit” into the stereotype of what I believed each label was or was supposed to be.

The thing about labels is that they are merely descriptors of one part of who we are. Some people use more than one label to describe other parts of who they are, such as race or ethnicity (including me!). My mom was white and my dad is Latino, so I am both white and Latine. Some people are raised in multi-religious households and celebrate the holidays of more than one religion. So, why can it feel so strange or isolating to use more than one label to describe gender identity?

Well, for starters, gender identity can be really hard to explain to other people! Because every single person’s understanding of their own gender will be unique to them, it’s hard to explain what a particular gender identity feels like exactly. I once had a friend ask me how I knew I was nonbinary, and while I personally did not mind the question, it really caught me off guard. How do I explain this thing I’ve grappled with for so long, that is the farthest thing from concrete, to someone else? I thought. Sure, nonbinary is an accurate way to describe my gender identity, and it is a label I use for myself. But it doesn’t capture the whole picture.

Alt text: “There Is No One Right Way to Label Your Gender” in cursive black lettering on a pale purple background with streaks of gold glitter in the top right and bottom left corners. The image also has the handle @ENBY.DELIA on it.

Let’s go back to my example of race and ethnicity. If I were to just tell someone I am white, the entire part of me that is Latine would be lost in translation. The same goes for describing my gender identity to other people. I am nonbinary, but I am more than that. My gender is not static between days. Some days I am more masculine, some days I am more feminine, and some days I just feel like a genderless blob. That is why I also use the label genderfluid to describe myself. My gender is fluid from day to day, and while every day I am nonbinary, my gender identity feels a little bit different every day. And finally, I use the label trans to describe myself because my gender identity is different than the one that was ascribed to me when I was born.

We are told we have to choose a label to describe ourselves in order to make parts of ourselves more palatable to others. While labels can be helpful for explaining who we are, we also don’t owe anyone an explanation of our gender identity, nor do we owe it to them to force ourselves into boxes that don’t fit. If you feel most comfortable with more than one label, go for it. If you need to play around with labels to figure out what fits best, that’s okay! Choosing a label for your gender identity is not a binding contract. The most important person in this is YOU. Above all else, make sure you are doing what feels comfortable, safe, and true to you.